


Play Me Like a Violin

by mistilteinn



Category: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Come Eating, M/M, Oh My God, Rimming, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-05-25 07:49:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14972477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistilteinn/pseuds/mistilteinn
Summary: AU where the boys were not brought together by Queer Eye. Tan works as a tailor in NYC and Antoni is a chef who needs a suit. Misadventures ensue.Update 3/3/2019: I’m going to go ahead and call this work complete as of now. Maybe in the future at some point, I’ll revisit it and write an epilogue.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first work that I've posted in twelve or thirteen years. Hopefully this is somewhat better than the Degrassi fan fiction I wrote when I was eleven.
> 
> Big note: I totally recognize and love that Tan is married and Antoni is in a long term, committed relationship in real life. I am in no way trying to imply that they're sleeping together or cheating on their significant others. (This is super pretend! Super! Pretend!)
> 
> This story is mostly for me to practice my writing for the first time in a decade and to hopefully get some feedback. 
> 
> (This is also almost totally porn. If you're one of the Fab Five and you've somehow stumbled upon this, please don't read it. Unless you're Jonathan. I think Jonathan might be into it.)
> 
> (Edited to fix some formatting errors and to correctly spell "Jonny.")

The shop itself was rather charming - no more spacious than it looked from the outside, but still somehow homey, filled with racks of menswear and mirrors lining the walls. A counter took up part of the back portion of the store, and a row of doors labelled as dressing rooms made up the rest. It wasn’t the biggest, nor the highest-end clothier in New York City, but it was well-reviewed and the proprietor was highly respected. The older man behind the counter sighed and pulled his glasses off, rubbing away imaginary smudges as the front door swung open. A young man rushed in, expertly removing his scarf and jacket whilst weaving through the clothing racks and speaking in a heavy northern British accent.

“Aye, Christ! Sorry Ben, the tube was running late this morning and I didn’t get your message until after I was going the opposite way. I got here as fast as I could, but I couldn’t get a taxi from the underground and -”

“Tan, Tan, Tan. Slow down, your accent gets so thick when you’re panicked,” Ben replaced his glasses with practiced ease and looked over the counter at his employee. Tan looked slightly embarrassed and quirked his lips as he looked up, absently running his hand over his windblown hair. Ben smiled kindly at him and lifted the flip-up countertop, continuing as the younger man stowed his outerwear and bag away and pulled his kit from the cabinet beneath the counter.

“You’re fine, God bless you for coming in at all on your day off. Cassie just called in sick and of course she’s got a full day booked, and of course Lisa’s still on her honeymoon, so I couldn’t take everyone. Your first appointment is in fitting room one already. Nice kid, got here about ten minutes before you did. I’ve got a meeting with the bank in a few, so it’ll be just the two of you for the rest of the hour. You okay being alone in the shop?”

Tan nodded wordlessly as he hung a measuring tape over his shoulders. He knew that Ben was just being kind when he asked - meetings with the bank were ones that he could not afford to put off until more convenient times arose, not with rent costing what it did. He smiled and waved towards the fitting rooms, “I’ll be fine with this one, you go deal with the sharks.” Ben clapped him warmly on the shoulder and promised to be back by noon, telling Tan to lock the door while he was in the fitting room with his client.

Truth be told, he didn’t like the idea of locking the front door, but he followed Ben’s instructions before striding back to the fitting area and rapping confidently on the door. “Ready whenever you are, sir,” he called, hoping that his client wouldn’t be in a bad mood from waiting. Starting off the day late was never a sign of good things to come.

“You can come in!”

Tan smiled at the friendly tone and tried the knob, huffing out a short laugh when it wouldn’t turn. “You’ve got to let me in, sir, door’s locked,” he schooled his face into a polite expression when he heard an _oof_ and a stumble from the other side, and the door opened to show a handsome man with dark brown hair and an adorably embarrassed grin.

“Sorry about that, totally forgot I locked it. I’m Antoni. Come on in,” he said and stepped back to make room. Tan tried not to match his grin, preferring to keep an air of professionalism, and inspected Antoni’s clothes as he stepped inside.

“Already dressed then? Good start. Sorry for the wait there, today’s been a bit hectic, I’m Tan by the way,” Tan said as he motioned for Antoni to step onto the pedestal and began looking closely at the fit of the suit jacket.

“It’s no problem, honestly I didn’t even know if I was supposed to put this on before you got here. I’m not usually one to go for bespoke clothing.” Antoni watched Tan in the mirror, making to rub his neck before the other man took hold of his arm and placed it back down at his side.

Tan pretended not to notice the rumpled graphic tee and jeans on the floor as he measured how the shoulders would have to be adjusted. “Really,” he said, trying to humor him. Tan knew this kind of client. A nervous chatterer, likely because he was just now realizing that a man was about to get all up in his business. Often these men would request one of the two women who worked at the shop, just to avoid another bloke getting so close. Tan had learned to stop taking personal offense to the fragile straights a long while ago. The most unfortunate side effect was that these types of clients were often less likely to tip, no matter the fact that Tan kept his boundaries exceedingly appropriate.

And really, this guy was no Harry Styles. Sure, he had biceps for days and his lopsided smile was endearing, but Tan preferred more adventurous men on the whole. His marks on the jacket made, he stepped around Antoni and kneeled to begin checking the pants for proper fit. The inseam looked close, which was surprising since Cassie had taken the initial measurements, but there was something off about the line - oh, he had his hands in his pockets. Tan pressed his lips together and looked up at Antoni, bracing one hand on his thigh for balance and lightly tugging his sleeve with the other to get his attention.

Tan’s mouth went dry when he realized what Antoni must be seeing as he stared intently at the full length mirror. Tan on his knees in front of him, holding his leg and sleeve, face level with his groin. Tan was licking his bottom lip nervously when Antoni looked down and made eye contact, the intensity of his gaze shocking. Tan’s face felt hot; he was frozen as Antoni slowly pulled his hand from his pocket and gently brushed his cheek. His eyes fluttered shut at the contact and he angled his face to press more insistently into Antoni, cheek coming to rest against the top of his thigh as his hand cupped the back of his neck.

Tan opened his eyes and flushed further when he realized just how close he was to the growing bulge in front of him. He unsuccessfully tried to hold back a whine, looking up at Antoni through his lashes when he heard a chuckle coming from above. Antoni was staring down at him no less intensely, but now there was a touch of affection in his eyes as well.

“Don’t know if you’ll be able to finish the fitting with this in the way. Sorry about that,” Antoni said, still gently stroking the back of Tan’s neck.

“Want me to take care of it for you, then?” Tan was absolutely shocked as the words left his mouth. How terribly forward! He must have been spending too much time with his roommate.

Antoni looked as surprised as he felt, fingers curling around the base of his skull. “Ye-yeah. God, yes.” His voice sounded choked off, and Tan felt a little confident, bold even, when he reached out and unzipped Antoni’s fly. He let the suit pants pool around his ankles - _too big ‘round the waist, typical Cassie fitting_ \- and nuzzled against Antoni’s crotch, inhaling the heavy, musky scent. Tan mouthed the outline of Antoni’s cock through his boxer briefs, suppressing a shiver when he heard a groan from above him and felt fingers tighten against his head.

Tan pulled the other man’s underwear down, releasing his thick cock, and stroked it once before leaning in and licking it from root to tip. He gently pulled the foreskin back and took the head into his mouth, humming as he leaned in further and brought his fist up to meet his lips. Antoni’s fingernails scratched lightly against his scalp and he moaned, the vibrations travelling down the length of his dick. Tan pressed as far down as he could, only pulling back when he was about to gag, his eyes watering.

“Jesus, ah,” Antoni panted and cupped Tan’s cheek. “You’re incredible, you know that?” Tan preened under the compliment and began moving in earnest, using his hand to cover what he couldn’t take in with his mouth. Antoni felt good, great even, and Tan got sloppier as he enjoyed himself more. He palmed himself through his slacks and he felt saliva run down his chin - Antoni began moving his hips, thrusting slightly in time with Tan’s strokes. “Ah, I’m gonna, I’m gonna,” Antoni started to warn him, giving him a chance to pull away. Tan nodded and sucked harder, swallowing around his cock. Antoni groaned and started coming, hot pulses shooting down Tan’s throat and dribbling out the corners of his mouth.

He felt dazed, flushed all over, when Antoni gripped him by the shoulders and manhandled him to his feet. Antoni pressed in close and asked, “Can I kiss you?” Tan answered with a smile and leaned in, not expecting Antoni to lick into his mouth so confidently and thoroughly. He used his thumb to wipe away the come that had escaped Tan’s mouth and licked it, smiling when Tan’s knees almost gave out. He walked Tan off of the pedestal and asked in a low voice, “Can I take care of you now?”

Tan blinked owlishly at him and nodded, not trusting his own voice yet. He was rewarded with another megawatt smile, and Antoni walked him backward further until his back was against the mirror. “Is it okay if I turn you around?”

Tan swallowed roughly and said “Ye-yes,” cursing the slight stutter. Antoni smiled and turned him, undoing his pants with one hand and pulling them down with the other. He smiled, nosing into the side of Tan’s neck and covering one hand with his own. Tan could see his breath fogging the mirror, feel his heart pounding.

Antoni reached down with his free hand and cupped him, pressing tightly against his back. Tan let out a groan, and he slid his underwear down, leaving them equally exposed. Antoni stroked him slowly, taking time to bite his earlobe and suck a bruise into his neck. Tan felt a rush of blood leave his head and went limp against the glass.

“Please,” he breathed, paying no mind to how desperate he sounded. Antoni slowed his strokes to a stop and pulled back, the exact opposite of what Tan was hoping for.

“Please _what_? What do you need, baby?” Tan whined at the gentle tone, his face burning.

“I need you - please touch me. Inside of me,” Tan closed his eyes against the tears filling them, both feeling so turned on he could explode, and embarrassed to be begging a total stranger for something so intimate.

“Oh, sweetheart. Anything you want, just say the word,” Tan nodded and felt Antoni’s fingers against his lips. He obediently opened his mouth and sucked them, grounding himself with Antoni’s appreciative hum against his ear.

Soon Antoni pulled his fingers away and Tan felt one circle his opening. Antoni was once again slowly stroking him with his other hand and pressed his finger in when Tan nodded again, eliciting a gasp from the shorter man.

Tan adjusted to the feeling of intrusion quite quickly (really, it could have been due to the over stimulation from Antoni’s mouth and other hand), and asked softly, “More?”

“Of course, sweetheart,” Antoni whispered in his ear and pressed a second finger in. Tan threw his head back against Antoni’s shoulder, exposing the long column of his neck for the taller man to further mark. Antoni moved gently inside of him, stretching thoroughly before searching for his prostate. Tan yelped when he brushed against it, feeling electricity crackle from his fingertips to his toes.

Antoni seemed determined to hear him cry out like that again and rubbed against the bundle of nerves insistently. He sobbed out a yes when Antoni asked, “Do you want one more?”

The stretch this time was accompanied by a delicious burn. Tan felt his toes curl when Antoni started to move inside of him again. His strokes became more firm and he pressed harder against Tan’s spot, leading Tan into a full-body shudder.

Tan felt the heat coiling in his belly, tighter and tighter like the strings of an instrument. All of a sudden, they snapped, and he felt the waves crashing together over him. He surrendered, and was coming, coating the mirror in front of them in his spend.

As he started to come down, he leaned his forehead against the glass and panted, half expecting Antoni to pull back and get dressed immediately. When that didn’t happen, he pulled back from the mirror and opened his eyes slowly, meeting the other man’s gaze yet again. His breath caught in his chest when he saw the gentle expression on his face.

“You really are incredible. I meant it earlier,” Tan ducked his head and flushed at the praise, eyes widening comically when he saw the come drying on the mirror.

“Oh, Jesus, I’ve got to clean this up. Gods, I must be sick,” Tan looked around the dressing room for a rag, spare cloth, anything to wipe off the glass before it dried any further.

“I wish everyone was as sick as you.” Antoni flashed him a dirty grin as he grabbed his tee shirt from the floor and wiped away the mess. Tan froze, blinking over at him.

“Did you just…?” At Antoni’s questioning head tilt, Tan shook his head. “Never mind… But you’ve got to put that back on when you leave, haven’t you?” Antoni stood back up to his full height and crowded Tan against the opposite wall.

He leaned in close to the ear that he’d previously been abusing and whispered, “It’ll smell like you,” smiling as he pulled away when Tan visibly shivered. At a normal volume, he said, “We’ve got to finish this fitting, don’t we? Now that all of the distractions are gone.”

Tan nodded, eyeing the reflection of Antoni’s bare ass over his shoulder. “Yes, absolutely. No more distractions.”

\---

Tan knew that, despite his best efforts, he looked wrecked for the rest of the day. He put his scarf back on, hoping against hope that none of his later clients nor Ben would say anything. Truthfully, it would take a practiced eye to see that his hair had been ruffled, and Ben was beginning to lose his eyesight, so Tan was pretty safe there.

As soon as he walked into his flat, however, he knew he’d been caught. His roommate immediately stalked over to him and demanded to know who had ruined his hair.

“Did somebody on the subway bother you again? Did they touch you?! I swear ta God, I’ll kill all those mothers. Did you take any pictures? I’ll find their facebooks and send strongly worded messages to their employers -”

“Jesus, no, Jonny! Nobody assaulted me on the tube! I’m fine,” Tan waved his hands, trying to get Jonathan’s attention before he went nuclear. That girl would set all of New York City on fire if he thought that someone had hurt Tan. He absently started to pull the scarf from his neck before he remembered the marks, but Jonathan’s eyes had narrowed already. Tan hurriedly tried to cover his neck again, but his roommate stilled him with a hand on his wrist.

“Oh-kay… So no one _bothered_ you, but they did _touch_ you. Girl, you gotta spill. Come on.” Jonathan raised his perfectly manicured brows at Tan as he ducked his head and turned away to shrug out of his jacket. He looked back in alarm as he heard his roommate’s gasp.

“No _way_ you’re covering that one up on your own. You’re gonna need Mama Jonny’s help if you don’t want the _entire_ Big Apple to see your slutty badges of honor,” Jonathan started laughing and followed Tan as he rushed to the bathroom where he turned to try to see all of the marks. If he craned his neck as far as he could, he could just make out the edge of a particularly dark bruise on the junction of his neck and shoulder. Jonathan reached out and pressed it lightly and Tan hissed, feeling some residual pain and a curious feeling of heat in his tummy.

“SPILL, girl. You know I need something to talk to my therapist about tomorrow!” Jonathan stood in the door, blocking the way into the rest of their tiny apartment. He crossed his arms, matching Tan’s glare and tapping his foot.

“Pretty sure you’re supposed to talk about your own misadventures, not other people’s.” Tan tilted his nose up and tried to sidestep his roommate. Jonathan pursed his lips, raising his expression to bitchface level eleven. “Oh, come on. You know I can’t compete with that,” Tan sighed and acquiesced.

“So you admit that there _were_ misadventures?” Tan rolled his eyes and nodded. His roommate had really missed his calling as a lawyer.

“It was at work this morning,” Tan cringed and refused to make eye contact. He could only imagine what Jonathan was picturing. Not that he’d be that far off.

“Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod. Was it Ben? You _know_ he’s a daddy and a half. Man, I’d climb him like a tree,” Johnny began motioning with his hands as he described _just how much man_ Tan’s lovely employer was.

Tan looked up, horrified, eyes round as saucers. “NO! No no no no, not Ben! It was with a _client_!” He squeaked out the end, face terribly red already. Jonathan’s attention snapped back to him, immediately switching into comfort-mode as he expertly analyzed Tan’s expression. Tan’s eyes were still uncomfortably wide, his hand was resting against his chest, and he looked increasingly stricken at the realization that he’d hooked up with a _customer_. His _boundaries_ , what had happened to his _boundaries_?

“Okay, boobie, we’re gonna need some ice cream and a cuddle, aren’t we? You grab the blankets, I’ll get the snacks,” Tan could only nod weakly as he felt all of the panicked energy that had been driving him drain away. Jonathan whisked into the kitchen and he made his way to their little couch with his comforter, slumping down.

Jonathan was back in no time at all, spoons and separate pints of Ben and Jerry’s in hand. He always insisted on getting different flavors, even though they both had the same favorites, just so they could each eat half and then switch pints. Sometimes Tan really didn’t know where he’d be without Jonathan.

He sat submissively as Jonathan wrapped him up in the blanket, handed him his pint and spoon, and maneuvered him so that he was half lying in his lap. “Now, let me hold you and you just tell me all about the day. Don’t worry about anything.” Tan nodded and Jonathan pet his hair as he told him about the remarkable man in fitting room one.

After he was done, Jonny continued to play with his hair silently for a few minutes. Tan tried to organize his thoughts into a coherent conclusion, but soon gave up. “It’s been so long since I’ve touched anyone, let alone let anyone touch _me_ , I just don’t know what came over me.” Tan spoke softly and tried not to let emotion bleed through his voice.

Jonathan’s hands stilled in his hair and he sighed softly. “I do. You’ve been so tightly wound since you and... _hrmefrder_...broke up. And you _know_ how I felt about him in the first place, but that _was_ the last time you allowed yourself to be vulnerable. You’ve just been closing yourself off from that kind of closeness and pain for the last few years. But see, the thing is, when you shut out the pain and vulnerability, you also shut out the potential for a whole lot of good things.” Tan sat up and laughed, but it came out as more of a sob. He looked up at Jonathan for the first time in a few minutes and saw that his eyes were wet as well.

“You’ve really been taking these therapy sessions seriously, haven’t you?” Tan laughed and wiped his eyes. Jonathan smiled at him brilliantly and passed a tissue over.

“It’s only ‘cause my therapist is a total daddy. _And_  most of the time I tell him about your problems instead of mine, so we have a lot of insight.” Jonathan laughed as Tan made to smack him and dodged, instead offering to trade pints. Tan begrudgingly accepted the new flavor and hesitated, eating a spoonful before he spoke again.

“You know what he said to me? … He said that I was incredible. Twice,” he looked down into his pint, feeling his ears burn as Jonathan made a soft sound and gathered him into his arms again.

“That’s because he isn’t an oblivious fucking idiot, sweetie. Now, did you get his number?” Jonathan was immediately all business again, raising a disapproving eyebrow when Tan shook his head in the negative. “Last name? Star sign? Did his dick have any identifying marks? Come on, baby, give me something to work with here.”

Tan shrugged his shoulders. “He kind of had to rush out the door. The...fitting took longer than expected and the next client was bangin’ on the window to be let in. He had prepaid when he made the appointment for the final fitting, so he just has to come in and pick up the suit sometime in the next week.”

Jonathan clapped excitedly, “Okay, not ideal, but we can make it work. We’re just gonna make sure you go into work looking like a knockout every day until he comes back in, then you’ll write a love poem on the receipt and go riding off into the sunset with him.”

Tan wrinkled his brow at his roommate, “Two things: one, I don’t write,” he ignored Jonathan’s _yes you do, fucking Hemingway_ , and continued, “and two, I _already_ look like a knockout every day…” He whacked Jonathan with a pillow when he only made a noncommittal sound in response to the second point.


	2. Two

Four days later found Tan at work once again, anxiously awaiting the beginning of the day. He’d been early for his shift each day, hoping that Antoni would come back in, preferably before Cassie came back to steal him away (okay, to steal him _back_. Whatever).

No such luck. Tan smiled politely at Cassie as she flounced through the door, looking no closer to death than she had before the last deadly disease she contracted. “How are you, darling?” He asked.

“Oh Tanny, you’ll never believe what Robert did this past weekend! You can’t tell a soul,” she glanced around conspiratorially and leaned in, “He surprised me with a trip to the Hamptons! Can you believe?” Tan tried not to let the surprise show through on his face.

“Really? I thought you were bedridden. Spanish flu, was it?” He blinked a few times and tilted his head at her, smile painted on.

“Oh, you know it’s just a silly twenty-four hour thing, don’t you? I’m sure loads of people get it where you’re from, right?” Tan froze momentarily before she continued, matching saccharine smile on her face, “Europe? Isn’t that where Spain is?”

“You are indeed correct, my love.” Tan looked down at the papers sitting on the counter in front of him. Cassie really wasn’t all bad, he reminded himself. They’d known each other at fashion school briefly, and years later, he’d called her up after ending up on his ass in New York City. Without asking any questions, she’d gotten him this job with Ben, and it was by far the best place he’d ever worked. Just, sometimes, Cassie did this thing where she acted like a wealthy socialite, like this job was just some quirky hobby that she couldn’t be bothered to take seriously. It annoyed him more than it should.

“Did Mr. Handsome pick up his suit yet?” Cassie asked, leaning on the counter and twirling a curl around her finger.

Tan’s head shot up before he could catch himself. “Mr. Handsome who?” Cassie’s smile widened and Tan realized too late that he was caught.

“You know, looks like John Mayer had a baby with a somehow even more attractive John Mayer. Big fan of graphic tees and bigger fan of avocados? Picking up a wedding suit? Ring a bell?”

The world slowed to a crawl in front of Tan as he began putting the pieces together. Of course, a wedding. He’d said that he had never had a bespoke suit before. Said that he never really wore formal clothes. Something that high quality, a man that lovely. Antoni was getting married. What did that make Tan, then? A last-minute fling before being tied down? A desperate shop worker, grateful to be a side piece? Certainly not worth coming back for. Certainly not incredible.

Tan blinked hard once, twice, and let his professional mask slip on. He could make it through the day, as long as that man didn’t come in. He had the next two days off. As long as he made it until the shop closed, he would be okay.

\---

Ten hours later, he stepped back through his front door. He had a couple of hours before Jonathan got home from the salon. He had time for a quick breakdown. If he timed it right, he could have a good cry and still be all good for when Jonny came back.

He dropped his jacket and bag carelessly on the floor and stumbled into his shoebox bedroom. He stripped off his silk shirt and jeans, dropped them on his floor, crawled under his covers, and began to cry.

He must have dozed off, because the next thing he heard, felt rather, was a body curling around his outside of the comforter. He hiccoughed in surprise before registering what the unknown body was saying to him.

“You’re still breathing? Thank God. I thought I was gonna have to call 911 again. You _know_ those firefighters have a crush on me. I just can’t handle all of that drama. Two, three of them, I could take. But half of the crew? Sister, that’s just too much man, even for me -” Jonathan pulled the covers off of his face as he chattered, cutting off abruptly when he saw the tear tracks on Tan’s face. When he spoke again, his voice was a little lower, a little scary. “Whose car do I have to set on fire, sweetie? Don’t be afraid, you can tell Mama.”

Tan swallowed, feeling pathetic. “No one, Jonny. It was just - nothing.” Instead of pinning him with a steely gaze like he was expecting, Jonathan simply wrapped him back up in the blanket and kept holding him as he sniffled until, eventually, he fell asleep again.

When he woke up the next day, Jonathan was already at the salon. His clothes and bag had been hung properly and his favorite breakfast (a croissant with french butter and chocolate spread from the bakery down the street, paired with a side of turkey bacon) was sitting on the counter. The plate had been covered by a paper towel with a crude drawing of a heart and the word “Tanny” written on it. Tan tried not to cry when he saw it.

\---

Two weeks later, Tan was feeling better. Well, that’s what he told himself to get through the days at work. His pride was still wounded, and he still shivered unconsciously when he touched a certain spot on his neck, but he wasn’t thinking _sidepiecesidepiecesidepiece_ when he looked in the mirror anymore. He called that progress. He hadn’t heard about Antoni again, so he assumed that he’d picked up his suit without a hitch during one of his days off. For the best, probably.

He walked into the shop, surprised to find it empty. After knocking on the fitting rooms, he saw a wrinkled piece of paper on the counter. Setting his bag behind the counter, he picked it up.

_T -_

_Unfortunately, Cassie appears to have contracted a case of Wilson’s Thyroid Syndrome (whatever that is). Her doctor says that she’ll not be in for the next few days at least. Lisa should be able to come in this afternoon, but she has to watch the children until noon._

_I have a doctor’s appointment this morning and should be back around lunch. There aren’t any appointments set for this morning, so best of luck and remember to LOCK THE DOOR if someone comes in for an alteration or repair._

__\- B. P._ _

 

Tan quirked his lips as he read the note, trying not to think about the last time he was left alone in the store. He set the note aside and began going through the list of alterations and repairs still to be completed. His specialty was measurements and alterations, but he was becoming more proficient at managing garment repairs as well. Being more versatile would make it easier to find another job once Ben closed down shop in a few years. It also meant that he could mend his own clothes easier, and keep his few designer pieces indefinitely.

He’d just finished hemming a pair of slacks that were due to be picked up later that week when he heard the bell on the door ring. He elected to continue sitting, leaving his spectacles perched delicately on his nose, and adjusting the neckline of his oversized jumper. “At the counter!” he called, not really expecting anyone to come up immediately. Oftentimes, walk-ins would browse for a few minutes before making their way back to ask about pricing.

“Oh, thank god you’re here. I was worried I would have to work with that awful woman again.” Tan looked up sharply at the familiar voice, the accent he couldn’t quite place. The object of his infatuation was standing right in front of him, looking as lovely as ever, holding a garment bag and wearing a tee shirt and jeans. “She won’t stop asking me about avocados. I mention guacamole once and it’s like that’s all I’m known for, ridiculous.” Antoni was smiling at him. Smiling. At. Him.

“Why are you here?” Tan flinched at the harshness of his words, his tone sounding icy even to his own ears. Antoni’s smile faltered only for a moment before he seemed to remember the garment bag in his hands. He pressed it toward Tan, a hopeful look in his eyes.

“I ripped this last week at the wedding. I was hoping you could help with it.” Tan pressed his lips together and took the bag, setting it on the counter between them.

“Right. I could probably fix it, depending on where the tear is,” he said, sniffing. “How’d it happen? Do I want to know?” Jesus, _why_ would he ask something like that? Just torturing himself is what he was doing.

Antoni had the grace to look slightly abashed. “Well, I didn’t have any speeches, so I got a little too tipsy and might have danced on the bar a bit.” If he was the sort of person that got so drunk at his own wedding that he danced on tabletops and tore his suit, then maybe he wasn’t such a huge loss.Tan slipped further into his professional mask, failing to keep the judgmental tone out of his voice.

“And what did the groom think of that?” He was assuming, he knew, but he felt pretty confident that Antoni wouldn’t have been so into him if he’d been marrying a woman. Tan felt a stab of victory when Antoni’s smile fully fell and his perfect brow crinkled.

“Uh, well, I guess shit like that’s why Karamo picked Bobby to be his best man instead of me. Ended up working out alright, though, ‘cause I got to come back here and see you.” Antoni smiled uncertainly, tone belying how nervous he was.

Tan tilted his head, feeling like he must be missing something. It was just like when he’d first moved to the states - every now and then, someone would use a word he wasn’t familiar with, or that didn’t make sense in the context used. It always felt like he was suddenly treading water, more out of his depth than he should be, when that happened. Slowly, too slowly, his eyes tracked down from Antoni’s smile, down to his right hand clutching the top of the garment bag, past it to where his left hand was holding the side. No wedding band.

“Best man?” Tan’s voice might have cracked when he spoke, but that was neither here nor there. Not when Antoni lit up like a Christmas tree and set the bag on the counter, leaning down on top of it and getting close enough that Tan could count the freckles on his nose. If he had wanted to, of course.

“Yeah, I was _so_ glad that KK went with Bobbers. He’s much better with words - I probably would have gotten up there and just cried.” Antoni flashed another smile at Tan again. “Or maybe I would have just danced on a few table tops and gotten escorted away before the speeches even happened.”

Tan tried to return the smile and swallowed a lump in his throat instead. His gaze dropped to the counter once more, focusing solely on Antoni’s bare left hand. He pushed his glasses up and looked up at the other man. “I’m sorry...I was rude before. I just heard you were going to a wedding, and I assumed…” He cut himself off and looked back down at the counter. “I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

Tan could tell that Antoni was leaning back away from him. He chanced a glance up, and saw Antoni staring, eyes wide, at the wall behind him. He pursed his lips when Antoni sucked in a breath. “You thought that I was the one getting married… Before or after we hooked up?”

Tan couldn’t help but be affronted by the question. “After, obviously! You think that I would seduce a man about to be wed?” Antoni’s eyes tracked down to meet his and Tan suddenly felt pinned by the weight of his gaze. When he slowly spoke, Tan could feel the anger simmering beneath his words.

“I guess I don’t know... You seem pretty willing to think that _I’d_ screw around right before getting hitched, so…” Tan’s jaw dropped and he spluttered, unable to come up with a response. “I’ll just leave this here with you. Call me when it’s done. Or don’t,” Antoni stood fully and turned, weaving through the racks of clothes and disappearing from sight. The merry little bell tinkling was Tan’s only confirmation that Antoni had, indeed, left the building.

\---

“I’m such a fucking _moron_!” Tan moaned as he walked down the trail with Jonny. He’d been ready for another pint and cuddle, but Jonathan’s therapist had apparently suggested light exercise as an alternative tool. That meant that they were both wearing impeccably fitted tracksuits, power walking through a trail in Central Park.

Jonathan leveled an impressive side-eye at him and sighed, picking up the pace slightly. “I’m beginning to think you should come to my appointments with me. Tanny, you’re the opposite of a moron. You used whatever clues you had and put them together. That’s all you could do. I’m telling you, nine out of ten people would have come to the same conclusion you did with that info.”

Tan huffed and walked a little faster, “Try not to leave me behind, yeah? I’ve got shorter legs than you.” He flipped the bird at Jonny’s laugh and continued, “And it’s not just that I thought he was getting married, it’s the way that I _treated_ him - like some kind of leper! Honestly, I was so _rude_! And he was hurt, I could see it… And then what did I do? Nothing at all - I just watched him leave like some kind of sad garden gnome.”

“...Okay, not the metaphor I would have gone with, but point taken. So what I’m hearing now is that you want back into this guy’s good graces,” Jonathan tilted his head as he walked, gears clearly turning. “...pants. You want back into his pants.” Tan nodded helplessly, electing to wallow further.

“Well, honey, we’re just gonna have to come up with something. I’m checking all over Grindr for him, don’t you worry.” Tan tried to smile and kept his head down. “Oh! I’m taking you out tonight, by the way! It’s this new Tex-Mex place, Centenario. Mama needs a marg, honey.”

“Yes, of course, darling. We missed our dinner date last month, didn’t we?” Tan tried to remember why. Right, they’d had to get the heating fixed and their landlord hadn’t reimbursed them yet. Dick. Jonathan nodded plaintively and they swung ‘round to begin making their way back to the bus stop.

\---

A few hours later, Tan was sitting across from Jonny at a cosy little booth. Jonathan was happily munching on queso and chips while they looked over the menu and waited for his margarita. Their server was very kind, but seemed unsure about the ingredients of certain dishes. Tan decided to go for some kind of salad to avoid the worry about whether his dinner would contain pork or not. “Ah, yes, I think I’ll get the street corn salad, love. One question - what are pepinos? I don’t recognize that word.”

Their waiter brightened at a question he could answer, and told him they were pumpkin seeds. Tan shrugged his shoulders at Jonny and nodded, handing his menu back to the server. “That sounds lovely, then. I’ll have that,” he smiled politely at the waiter and both Jonny and he were soon distracted by the size of Jonathan’s truly monstrous margarita.

Jonathan had them both take photos with it, though Tan himself didn’t drink, for posterity. Soon enough, their meals came out, and Tan was laughing at the face Jonny made when he saw their dishes.

“Ooh, my salad is really crisp! Come on, you’ve got to try it!” Tan pressed, giggling at Jonathan’s staunch refusal on the grounds that it _looked too healthy_.

Within just a few bites, though, he felt that something was terribly wrong. He was having a reaction to something in his dish. He could feel his throat start to swell and his airway get tighter. “Jonny, Jonny call someone. I need the hospital, help,” He started to panic and Jonathan shot up out of his seat, calling for an ambulance and shouting for anyone with an epipen with authority. He felt his vision begin to go dark, the restaurant swimming before him.

\---

When Tan woke up, he was lying in a hospital bed. His eyelids felt like sandpaper, and when he breathed in deeply, he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He began breathing more quickly, panicked at the pain, and one of the machines he was connected to started to beep ominously. A nurse quickly strode in, followed by a physician in scrubs and a white jacket.

They calmed him down, the physician explaining that he’d gone into anaphylactic shock as a result of something that he’d eaten and had stopped breathing, but that someone in the restaurant had known CPR. “You’re very lucky. You’ve got two cracked ribs from the chest compressions, but no other serious damage from the reaction. One of your friends said that you’re allergic to...cucumbers?” At Tan’s nod, she continued, “Your friends are in the waiting area. They’ll be allowed to visit shortly.” The doctor rested her hand on his and pushed her braids over her shoulder before stepping out the door, asking the nurse to record his vitals once more. Tan’s nurse checked his blood pressure and told him that he’d be back in an hour, but to press the call button if he needed anything before then. Tan nodded and he left, promising to send Tan’s visitors up.

Jonny came in a few minutes later, looking around nervously and standing at the foot of the bed. Tan patted the empty space next to him, and Jonathan sat down on the bed gently, cradling his head. “How are you feeling, sweetheart?” Jonathan smiled tenderly at him. Tan blinked back tears, feeling rather fragile.

“I’m okay. Sorry for giving you such a scare,” Tan looked down, embarrassed and imagining the scene he must’ve caused.

“Sweetie, no! You didn’t do anything wrong! It’s just your crazy immune system, thinking that the world is trying to kill you with gross vegetables,” Jonathan tilted his head up and made a face so that Tan smiled and chuckled, wincing when his ribs protested. “Oh God, I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t want to hurt you!” Tan smiled and shrugged weakly.

“Oh, there’s someone else here as well! The hottie that gave you CPR and _holy holdmetillthepaingoesaway_ _Batman_ , he’s a keeper. Stayed here with me for hours while we waited for you to wake up. Didn’t say a word until the nurse called for us, then just told me to go in first.” Jonathan smiled at him, gently fixing his hair as best he could. Tan looked gratefully at his friend, hoping that he would stay whilst Tan met his knight in shining armor. “I’m gonna go get him, then I’m gonna get a coffee and give you a few minutes to talk,” Jonathan shook his head at Tan’s objection, standing and saying, “I’m telling you, Tanny, this guy’s husband material.”

Tan pressed his lips together tightly when Jonathan left, trying to calm himself. He really wasn’t ready to meet anyone, especially while in hospital and wearing one of those gowns where his ass was exposed. It was too sudden, he wasn’t prepared.

Tan let out the breath that he’d been holding when the door opened again, his ribs creaking in relief. He looked up at his apparent saviour, feeling any remaining air leave his lungs in a whoosh. Breathless.

Antoni stood hesitantly in the doorway, hands nervously worrying the hem of his shirt. “Can I… Can I come in?” Tan nodded quickly, too quickly, and Antoni pulled a chair close to the side of the bed to sit down.

Antoni sat wordlessly for a few moments, staring at Tan’s hand lying against the white bedsheets. “I’m so -” he cleared his throat, voice rough. “I’m so glad that you’re okay.” He hesitantly took Tan’s hand and ran his thumb over it, looking up to make eye contact. “I was at work, and all of a sudden I hear someone shouting for CPR, and I run out of the kitchen and it’s _you_ , and I was so scared. I was so scared that I would be too late or that the ambulance wouldn’t get there fast enough, and I just couldn’t let that happen.” His voice got softer as he spoke, until Tan was craning to hear him. “I couldn’t let that happen, especially to _you_. I’ve been thinking about you constantly for the past two days, and all of a sudden, you’re in my restaurant - but you’re not _breathing!_ \- and I’m just praying, praying to God that you’re gonna be okay.” Antoni closed his eyes, bringing Tan’s hand up to rest against his cheek.

Tan was so exhausted, so confused. He leaned forward to rest his head against Antoni’s and brushed a soft kiss against his other cheek, whispering a _thank you_ , and let himself drift, anchored only by the other man’s comforting presence.

\---

This next time, Tan was awoken by low voices. His eyes fluttered open, and he saw Jonathan and Antoni sitting on either side of him, each holding one of his hands like the world’s most depressing game of tug-of-war. Tan struggled to sit up, gasping when he felt the pain in his ribs.

They both immediately sprung up to help him, rearranging pillows and propping him up like a well-loved doll. Once they’d gotten him settled ( _Do you need any water? Food? More pillows?_ ), they looked at him almost expectantly. Tan pushed away the annoyance and raised his brows, “Well? Don’t expect me to make a speech here. You’ll be sorely disappointed.”

Antoni hid a smile and looked fondly at him, taking a deep breath and beginning by saying, “Okay, I’ve got some apologizing to do, and there’s something I want to talk to you about privately.”

At this, Jonathan turned to him with an impressive stare and said, “Oh no, honey. You’re not gonna tell me that _you’re_ the one who’s gone and broken my Tanny’s heart and then try to kick me out of the room. I will end you - that smile won’t work on me.” Jonny truly was gentle as they come, but he could be massively intimidating when he wanted to be.

Antoni swallowed before he responded, “Ye-yeah, okay. You’re okay with that, right?” the last part was directed at Tan, who nodded wordlessly. “Okay, firstly, I want to apologize to you for freaking out at you the other day. It totally makes sense the way you responded after...what we did,” he paused, looking unsurely over at Jonathan. Jonathan crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, daring him to go on. “Right, I can imagine that it was a nasty shock just to hear that I was getting fitted for a wedding and no further details. I was a dick when you apologized to me. I’ve had people accuse me of cheating before, and it brought back some bad stuff..”

He looked up at Tan, meeting his eyes as he went on, “Not that that’s an excuse, because it’s not. I was wrong to leave you like that, especially after you said that you were sorry.” His eyes dropped to where he was still holding Tan’s hand.

After a few moments of silence, Jonathan spoke primly to Antoni, “And was that all you had to say, hm?” Tan whipped around to glare at him, mouthing _not helping_.

Antoni jumped a little when Jonathan spoke, coming out of his reverie. “Oh, ah, no. I wanted to ask you if we could start over. I think, and I’m not sure, so bear with me, but _I think_ that there’s something here. I stumble into your shop, you come to my restaurant, I think it means something. I want to explore it. With you.” Tan’s heart was pounding in his ears. He thought he might be close to fainting. “And so, I was wondering… Would you let me cook dinner for you?” Antoni smiled nervously at him.

Tan could feel the other man’s hand shaking in his. It felt...dangerous. It felt like it might be a bad idea. Things could go really wrong between them. Things already had gone pretty wrong between them, if he was honest with himself.

After a few moments of considering it, Tan looked down to where their hands were still connected. “...As long as you don’t feed me cucumbers again, I’ll go with yes.” A smile spread across his face and he made eye contact with Antoni, who looked absolutely smitten.

Jonny sighed and looked at them both and stood, somehow pulling a tissue out of thin air and dabbing his eyes delicately. “Okay, you two are gonna need to stop being so adorable now. I cannot handle this anymore. I’m gonna go hit up that hot nurse and see when we can get you out of here. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, Tanny!” Tan turned a smile to his best friend as he whisked out the door and leaned towards Antoni, brushing his free hand against his cheek.

Antoni angled his head into Tan’s hand and closed the gap between their mouths with a chaste kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this entire story is just a vehicle for me to use the phrase "Holy holdmetillthepaingoesaway, Batman!"
> 
> This is looking like it's got an epilogue left - I'm not willing to finish this story without appearances by KK and Bobbers. 
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/BdkpKHPHixa/?hl=en&taken-by=tanfrance
> 
> <\--- Reference photo for Tan in glasses. 
> 
> *Also just wanted to reiterate that this is totally, completely a work of fiction. These characters share only names and physical likenesses with real people, absolutely nothing else. It's all pretend, folks.
> 
> **Oh! Also, not beta read at all. All mistakes are purely my own.


	3. Three

True to his word, Antoni invited Tan over for dinner the following Monday (his first night off since Tan had left the hospital). He was on a regimen of Tylenol and breathing exercises every few hours, but the doctor said he could return to his regular activities, barring any severe pain or coughing up blood.

Antoni would be picking him up at eight, so he had about an hour and a half to get ready after work. Jonathan, bless him, had taken off early so that he could help Tan ~~f~~ ~~reak out~~ get ready. He’d set out a few outfits to model for Jonny (not that he hadn’t seen all of Tan’s clothes multiple times over their three years of living together), and was in the process of picking out accessories for each option when he heard his roommate come in the front door. “Tanny, are you ready to show me your best slutty outfits?”

Tan barked out a laugh and shouted back, “Not sure they’ll be up to your standards, but yes! Give me a second to get dressed.” He changed his top from the smart jumper he’d worn to work that day into one of his favorite shirts, a sheer red flowered number by Louis Vuitton that made his skin glow, and tugged on a pair of cropped pale grey jeans. He threw on a delicate gold necklace and considered his top, deciding to button just one more over his chest. He knew Jonathan would give him an opinion one way or another.

He took a deep breath and opened his bedroom door, stepping out to find Jonathan laying back on the couch, sipping a glass of red wine. Tan swallowed his nerves and turned for him, asking “What do you think?”

“I think you look like you’re about to throw up,” Jonathan started, enjoying his own aesthetic much more than Tan’s, “And, honestly, I wouldn’t be mad if you did. All over that outfit. Next.”

Tan frowned and stamped back into his room, not bothering to close the door behind him. He knew Jonathan would follow him in, the better to insult his personal style and all. True to form, Jonny stepped into the room just after him, frowning judgmentally at the assortment of clothes on his bed. “Girl, you need something new. I’ve seen every one of these outfits at least a dozen times.”

Tan crossed his arms defensively, “I _like_ these outfits. And Antoni hasn’t seen them, so what’s the matter with recycling ‘em a bit more?”

Jonathan raised a brow at Tan, “Nothing at all, once you’ve got him locked down. Right now you need something new and daring, something _sexy_ to catch him off guard. You _also_ need something that you don’t have a million memories associated with.” Jonathan thought for a moment before lighting up and walking out the bedroom door, calling over his shoulder,“I’ve got just the thing. Keep the pants, lose the top and that god awful necklace. BRB!”

Tan flipped the bird at his back, but removed his blouse and necklace all the same, placing them carefully back on the bed. Within a few moments, Jonny was back and carrying a black sweater. Tan wrinkled his brow at it. Looked boring.

“Just put it on, princess.” Jonathan rolled his eyes and pushed it towards Tan before turning around once more, “I’m getting another drink.”

Tan slipped it over his head and made a surprised sound. It was very soft, long - falling to about mid-thigh, and had a sort of cowl neck. The best part of it was the bare shoulders. Just enough skin to be sexy without risking a nipple coming out unintentionally. He turned, scrutinizing how it clung to him from all angles, and couldn’t find anything he didn’t like about it. Sure, he usually showed his chest rather than his arms on dates, but this was something different - something new.

He stepped out of his bedroom, face a touch warm. Jonathan whooped from the couch and jumped up, grabbing him a pair of chunky boots to wear. “This is perfect, Jonny… Thank you so much.”

“Whatever, princess. Just don’t get come on it. Or if you do, dry clean it before you give it back. Actually, dry clean it anyway,” Jonathan waved his hand and started fixing Tan’s hair, moving certain pieces into place and refluffing the whole thing. Tan grimaced at the thought of getting his mess all over the sweater, but didn’t retort. He had no room to make a snarky comment.

Soon enough, it was seven fifty, and Tan was pacing nervously around their living room. “What if he doesn’t come? What if he changes his mind? What if -”

Jonathan stepped in front of him, holding up his hands. “Okay, sweetheart, I’m gonna need you to shut the fuck up. You’re raising my blood pressure and that ain’t cute.” He placed his hands on Tan’s shoulders, grounding him. “He’s gonna show up, and you’re gonna have a great time, and you’re gonna have a gorgeous meal and a gorgeous conversation, and you’re gonna dance with him, and you’re gonna get naked with him, and you’re gonna sleep over there tonight...which is why I packed you a toiletries bag. Here, keep it with you.” Tan looked at the small leather bag in his hands, taken aback. The gesture was thoughtful, but surprising. Even a little overwhelming.

“Thanks for this, but why are you so insistent on me staying over there?” Tan looked suspiciously up at Jonathan. “Wait, do _you_ have someone coming over?” Jonny’s self-satisfied smirk was answer enough. “Wow, rude. Were you going to tell me at all before I left? Who is it? Do I know him?” Tan asked, affronted that his best friend was keeping secrets from him.

“I’ll tell you all the deets tomorrow. We’ll swap stories over dinner.” Jonathan raised his brows and shrugged at Tan. He frowned and looked back at the bag, jumping when his phone went off. Jonathan clapped his hands excitedly, “Your chariot awaits! Get down there, sexy!”

\---

Tan walked out of the front of his building with the leather bag in hand, phone and wallet tucked inside. Antoni had pulled up to the curb in a black sedan - nothing terribly fancy, but certainly more than Tan owned. Tan slid into the passenger seat and smiled at Antoni, leaning in for a kiss on the cheek.

When he leaned back into his seat, Antoni glanced down at his outfit before pulling away from the curb, brows raised slightly and voice a little rough. “You look...wow. You look amazing. Not that you don’t always, but geez.”

Tan felt his face heat and tried not to preen at the compliment, “You look quite lovely yourself as well.” He wasn’t lying - Antoni had tamed his hair a bit more than usual and somehow it made his cheekbones look even sharper. He was wearing a black and white short sleeved mock neck sweater, giving an overall french vibe. Tan found that he was a big fan.

The drive to Antoni’s apartment was a short one. Tan shifted comfortably in his seat, looking over at him, and asked, “Is dinner meant to be a surprise, or can I ask what it is?”

Tan watched a smile bloom across Antoni’s face in fascination. “It’s pretty simple - I hope that’s okay. Balsamic glazed salmon filet with roasted rosemary potatoes and turkey bacon wrapped asparagus. I wasn’t sure if you ate pork or not, so I just went the safer route.” Antoni smiled sheepishly at the end and rubbed the back of his neck, keeping his eyes on the road.

Tan was touched that Antoni had taken the care to consider his possible dietary restrictions and to plan that into their meal. He and Antoni hadn’t even discussed his religion extensively - he’d mentioned it over text the week before while they talked about their childhoods.

 He recalled several instances when an ex made him a meal with pork by mistake and had been guilted into eating it. He had always felt a bit sick afterwards, hands shaking and feeling too unclean to pray for forgiveness right away.

He started slowly, trying not to get overwhelmed as he spoke. “Thank you… It was so thoughtful of you to do that for me.” Tan saw Antoni’s face go pink, illuminated by the streetlights they drove under and he shook his head, muttering something that he couldn’t quite make out.

Antoni cleared his throat and pulled into a parking garage. “We’re here. I’m on the second floor, so it’s not a terrible climb. Do you need me to take anything for you?”

Tan shook his head and smiled, “No thanks, I’m all good.” Antoni nodded and got out, coming around the other side to let Tan out. He offered his hand to Tan, and he took it, smiling as they walked up the stairwell.

\---

The smaller man immediately felt welcome in Antoni’s apartment. It was just about the size of his and Jonathan’s, but with a bigger kitchen and living room instead of a second bedroom. His furniture wasn't new by any means, but looked well-maintained, and there were plants and books everywhere that there was a flat surface. Antoni had invited him to look around, toeing his own shoes off at the door when Tan did automatically, while he got their plates out of the oven and set the table. Tan admired his bookshelf, browsing the titles and trying not to panic until Antoni called him over, interrupting his train of thought.

Dinner was lovely. Antoni had taken the time to light candles ‘round the room and dimmed the overhead light, casting an ethereal glow over the both of them. He pulled Tan’s chair out for him and poured them mocktails to drink, explaining that didn’t want Tan to think that he was trying to take advantage, and he didn’t know what kinds of pain relievers Tan was taking, or if he drank alcohol at all. Tan, happily flushed, said “I actually don’t. Thank you for not pressuring me into it.”

Antoni gaped at him for a moment, eyes wide. Composing himself quickly, he said “You...don’t have to thank me for not pushing you into doing something you don’t want to do. You know that, right?”

Tan ducked his head, pursing his mouth. “No, yeah, I know. I was just… Sometimes people aren’t as accepting right off the bat. It can make for uncomfortable conversations, you know?”

Antoni nodded and leaned closer, touching a hand to his. “Yeah, I get that. Still, it’s never my intention to say or do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Please let me know if I do, and I’ll do my best to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Tan glanced back up from where he’d been studying the way that their hands met. He could only see honesty in Antoni’s eyes, only heard earnestness in his voice. He swallowed a lump that had caught in his throat and smiled. “Thank you.”

\---

Tan laid back on the bed, propped up on his elbows, watching Antoni flip on the lamp sitting on his dresser and begin playing music, something with synth and a catchy beat. He flipped the bedroom switch, leaving them dimly lit, and strode to the foot of the bed, pulling his sweater off before climbing up and crawling over Tan. The shorter man smiled and leaned up slightly, catching his lips in a kiss. It started out lazy, punctuated by smiles and laughter, but soon grew more heated as Antoni slid his hand down to the other’s waist, pulling him closer.

Tan reached up to cradle Antoni’s jaw in his hand, parting his lips to deepen the kiss. He could swear he felt electricity when their tongues touched, tingles all the way down to his fingertips. He let out a sigh when Antoni tilted his head just so, moving downwards to mouth at his neck. Antoni laid him back, careful not to jostle him or put any weight on his ribs whilst sucking a dark mark onto the hollow point of his throat.

A moan tore through him and he gripped Antoni’s shoulder tightly, rolling his hips and looking for friction. Instead of pushing closer, however, Antoni pulled back and sighed, letting out a soft _fuck._

“So, there are some things that we probably shouldn’t do until you’re healed,” he began. Tan rolled his eyes so hard that they actually hurt a bit and dropped his head back onto the bed heavily, thumping against the pillows.

“Fuckin’ figures. First chance I get to do it in a real bed in years, and I can’t even get fucked properly,” the smile on the other man’s face was far too fond for Tan’s liking, so he pinched a nipple lightly and laughed at Antoni’s yelp, half heartedly trying to dodge the pillow that came flying down to his face in retaliation.

He pushed the pillow towards the top of the bed, away from him, and grinned at Antoni brilliantly before the taller man loomed over him once more and kissed him breathless. “As I was saying before I was _rudely_ interrupted, there are still some fun things for us to do if you want to.” He trailed his fingers down Tan’s torso, hiking up his sweater to brush up against bare skin.

Tan suppressed a shiver and tilted his head questioningly. “Well, I guess that depends, then… What’s on the list of approved activities?”

Antoni’s lip curled and he leaned in close to place a kiss just behind the other man’s ear. “Remember what we did in the dressing room? I’d like to do that again…” He bit lightly at Tan’s earlobe, continuing, “...but with my mouth this time. Think you’re up for that?”

The smaller man groaned, heat coiling in his stomach. “ _Fuck_ , yes. Yes, yes, yes.” Tan grabbed Antoni’s face roughly and brought their lips together, immediately deepening the kiss when he responded. Antoni pulled up his sweater, exposing his chest and leaving trails of burning skin everywhere he touched.

“Can I take this off?” Tan nodded frantically and sat up as best he could to help. When the offending garment was gone, Antoni cupped him through his jeans and questioned, “These too?”

“Yes, Gods, get on with it,” Tan hissed, touching every part of him that he could reach. Antoni smirked and pulled away, ignoring Tan’s protests and reaching hands, and stood from the bed. “Fuck are you doing? Come back here!” Tan fussed, skin prickling and feeling needy. Instead of obeying, Antoni walked to the foot of the bed and grabbed Tan by the ankles, dragging him down the bed till he was within reach once more.

“I need your jeans off, and I need you on all fours. Can you do that for me?” Tan felt a thrill rush through him at being manhandled and nodded, eyes wide. As Antoni stepped away to undress, he sat up at the edge of the bed and wiggled out of his jeans, sliding them and his briefs down in one motion.

Nude and suddenly a bit shy, he glanced up at Antoni’s form. His mouth watered as he tracked farther and farther upwards, “Holy shit.” Antoni grinned lopsidedly at him and stepped back into his space, tilting his head up for a short but searing kiss.

The taller man pulled back just enough for Tan to feel his breath ghosting over his lips, “I said hands and knees.” Head spinning, Tan nodded and turned around, climbing fully onto the bed once more. He felt Antoni touch his flanks gently and climb onto the bed behind him; he hummed when Antoni loomed over him and began trailing kisses down his spine, biting every now and then to elicit a soft gasp or shiver.

When Antoni reached the bottom of his spine, Tan wiggled his hips impatiently, anticipation making his nerves sizzle. “Get on with it - no more teasing,” he said authoritatively, jumping and yelping when he felt a pinch on one of his cheeks.

The other man chuckled and rubbed the spot where he’d pinched, moving to brush lightly against Tan’s entrance. “Oh,” Tan intoned softly and sighed in relief when Antoni reached around him to stroke his straining erection. He felt Antoni nose towards his opening and heat curled low in his belly when he licked into him, tongue flat and insistent. Antoni gripped his hip with the other hand and went to work, stroking in time with his laps, pointing his tongue when Tan was relaxed enough to let him in.

The heat passed over him in waves, turning into a pressure that held him in place as Antoni let go of his hip to add a finger inside. He moaned loudly when Antoni brushed against his prostate, thighs and arms starting to quake under the pressure. He could feel himself getting closer and closer to the edge, and as Antoni added another finger, he went over. The orgasm hit him in intense waves, splintering his world momentarily before everything slipped back into place. He slumped forward onto his forearms, breathing heavily and too exhausted to acknowledge the unhappy twinge in his ribcage.

Antoni crawled up next to him, resting on his elbow, and stroked his back softly as he came down. “How do you feel?” He asked after a moment, music still playing softly in the background.

Tan lifted his face from where it was pillowed onto his arms just enough to stare at Antoni incredulously. “How d’you think I feel? That was….” Tan shuddered and trailed off, resting his head back down and peeking at Antoni through his lashes.

The other man smiled. “Glad to hear it, but I was talking about your ribs. Any pain?” He asked, brushing against the middle of his back soothingly.

Tan sighed happily, wriggling his shoulders to encourage Antoni to rub higher. When he obliged, Tan answered, “They’re okay now, but I don’t think they’ll be thanking me for this tomorrow.” He rolled to his side and faced Antoni, eyes dark in the low light. “What can I do for you? Any specific requests?”

Tan saw Antoni’s eyes track down his body hungrily and he felt a ripple of arousal roll through his body. Antoni smirked at his heavy exhale and skimmed a hand over his hip to settle on his waist. “Nope… I just want you.”

“I can do that.” Tan scooted closer, nuzzling his face under Antoni’s chin, and reached down between them to take his length in hand. Antoni brought his curled his arm around Tan’s back, grip tightening as he stroked faster. It only took a few minutes for Antoni to tense up with a groan and spill into his hand. When Antoni opened his eyes, Tan brought his hand up to his face and sucked a finger into his mouth, lips curling as Antoni shuddered intensely.

“Fuck - you can’t just _do_ that, you’ve gotta warn a guy,” He looked on disbelievingly as Tan cleaned each finger the same way, licking a stripe up his palm for good measure. “Where did you _come from_?” He pressed Tan back into the bed a bit more roughly than intended and kissed him deeply, tasting remnants of himself on the smaller man’s tongue. “Wait, I don’t care where you came from. What I really want to know is can I _keep_ you?”

Tan smiled up at him for a moment, feeling a happy weight settle in his chest. Then he pulled on a serious mask and responded, “Make me some more of that _fantastic_ turkey bacon in the morning and then we’ll talk.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I swear I meant to only keep this at two chapters, but then stuff happened and, well, here we are. 
> 
> I would like everyone to meet everyone else at least once, so that might take another chapter or two. 
> 
> I'm honestly just really enjoying letting Tan's bossy side come out. Do you blame me?
> 
> As always, unbeta'd, please leave feedback, and this is all pretend! 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr at tanlovesboundaries if you want to see scathing commentary on how Tantoni need to just get a room.


	4. Four

The next morning, Antoni did indeed make more turkey bacon. Just as he did the following week, and the week after that. They fell into a sort of routine, wherein Tan would bring an overnight bag to Antoni’s apartment on Monday nights, Antoni would cook a quick but delightful meal, and they would mess around until they both fell asleep. Tan would wake up first, in order to shower and pray, and Antoni would get up and have breakfast ready by the time Tan was finished.

Tan loved the nights he spent with Antoni. It wasn’t just the physical stuff - though that _was_ amazing - as much as it was the genuine sense of connection that Tan felt. Whenever he spoke, Antoni _listened_. Beyond that, he asked questions, he remembered small details, and he always, always validated whatever he was going through.

Tan found himself wanting to see Antoni more than once or twice a week. They texted a bit each day, but Tan worked during the day and Antoni worked all afternoon and evening, so it was difficult to hold a conversation that way. He also found that he was working more and more - Ben had decided to let Lisa go, citing that she had called out of work more often than not since her wedding anyway, so it didn’t make sense to keep her on the payroll.

Five or six weeks in, Tan was absolutely exhausted. From running back and forth from his apartment, to the shop, to Antoni’s, back to the shop, and back home, he felt like his head was always spinning. He’d mentioned to Antoni that he felt like he was getting sick the day before, but the other man invited him over anyway, as long as he was feeling up to it.

Tan was on his way to Antoni’s later than usual - his final client had been extremely rude, bordering on cruel. The older man had made a few unnecessary comments about Tan’s skin color and femininity whilst he was taking measurements, throwing him off his rhythm and ruining his mood. He knew that he couldn’t ask Ben to throw the man out - he was wealthy and they couldn’t be choosy about business at the moment, so he held his tongue and finished the initial fitting as quickly as he could. Predictably, he didn’t get a tip for that appointment.

He dragged his feet on the stairwell, anxious about bringing down Antoni’s mood with his self-pity. Before he was quite emotionally ready, he was standing in front of the door, knocking.

He had thought that his face was impassive, but the moment that Antoni opened the door, the beautiful smile slipped off his face and his brow wrinkled in concern. “Oh Tan, what’s wrong?” He propped the door open with his foot and held his arms out for Tan to step into.

“It’s nothing,” Tan began, stepping into the taller man’s arms, resolve to hide his bad mood crumbling away. “Ahm, sometimes I just worry that I’ll never be accepted here.” Embarrassed, Tan hid his face in Antoni’s neck, letting the other man pull him farther into the apartment and letting the door fall shut behind them.

Somehow Antoni curled even farther around him, ensconcing him in warmth and a strangely familiar scent. One arm around Tan’s back, the other cradling his head, Antoni sighed and said, “I can’t make you any great big promises about the rest of the world, but I can tell you that right here, you’re one hundred percent accepted for who you are.”

Tan nodded against Antoni’s chest, sniffling lightly. “Thank you. You always seem to know just what to say.” He pulled back just enough to look up at the other man and rose to his toes for a kiss.

Antoni smiled softly at him after, concern still visible in his eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?” Tan shook his head and took his shoes off, stomach rumbling loudly. A true smile spread over the taller man’s face and he took Tan’s hand to lead him to the dining table. “Dinner, then?”

Tan nodded sheepishly and huffed out a laugh as they walked, stopping short when he spotted a pot on the table and connected the dots. “Oh Ant, you didn’t…” he breathed, almost afraid to look inside lest he jinx it. He turned to look at the taller man who rubbed the back of his neck a bit awkwardly.

“I knew you weren’t feeling well, so I wanted to make you something that hopefully brought back good memories - and what better to help someone heal than chicken soup?” The bashful smile that Antoni gave him was enough to send his heart soaring. Tan smiled beatifically at the taller man and stepped forward to smell the yakhni, the light citrus scent combining with that of the cloves indeed reminding him of his childhood.

“It’s perfect,” he turned back to Antoni, trying to contain his excitement. The other man flushed and pulled out a chair, motioning for Tan to sit. As he did, he continued on, “You know, my mum always used to make this whenever I got sick. She swore it contained healing powers.”

Antoni paused in dishing out portions into their bowls and considered, “Well, scientists _have_ found that carnosine can help relieve inflammation in the upper respiratory tract, so she was right on some level.”

Tan sat back in his seat, dumbfounded, “I can’t believe you _know_ that. You’re such a dork. What, next you’re gonna tell me about how turkey doesn’t actually make you sleepy?”

The other man grinned at him, picking up his spoon. “Well, if you _really_ want to know…”

Tan shook his head vigorously, “Please, no more learning tonight. I just want to enjoy this.”

\---

He woke up to his alarm several hours later and groaned softly. He’d come into the bedroom before Antoni, intent on setting the mood for their first time whilst the other man ran the dishwasher. True, they messed around every time he came over, but they hadn’t gone all the way yet - Antoni was adamant that Tan’s ribs were completely healed before they took that step, something that both endeared and infuriated Tan.

Tan had been determined that tonight would be the night, but the bed just looked so inviting and he had just wanted to close his eyes for a moment. Now it was the early morning, and it was time for him to start getting up for the day. He looked longingly over at Antoni, the darkness of the room obscuring him almost completely.

Tan sighed softly and dragged himself out of bed, lightly stepping around the bed and walking into the bathroom, only turning on the light switch when he’d shut the door, so as to not disturb Antoni. He turned the shower on to let it warm before turning to the sink, ready to brush his teeth before jumping in. He paused at the sight of a bundle sitting on the sink with a note sitting atop.

Brow furrowed, he shut off the shower and picked up the note, lips quirking at the sight of his name sloppily scrawled across the front. He opened it and smiled as he read, warmed by the short message inside. Hands shaking slightly, he carefully unfolded the bundle and revealed a simple, beautiful prayer rug.

He held it to his chest for a moment, swaying as he gazed at his reflection in the mirror. Hair ruffled and clothes mussed from sleep, he had never seen himself with such a lively spark in his eyes, such a fetching flush on his cheeks. He looked positively lovesick.

His smile dropped abruptly at the thought and he turned from the mirror, heart thumping in his chest. He quickly folded the prayer rug and set it back on the counter, turning to start the shower again with deliberate movements. Tan couldn’t spend time analyzing that at the moment. He needed to get ready for his day.

\---

A few days later, Antoni called him on his break at the restaurant. Tan happily picked up, surprised at the phone call. Antoni’s breaks were usually reserved for shoveling down food and going to the bathroom, sitting for just a minute before being dragged back into the middle of a new crisis. Antoni loved his job without reserve - Tan couldn’t even pretend to understand it.

“Hiya Ant, what’s up?” He smiled, holding the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he dried his hands. He’d been cleaning up his and Jonny’s dinner when his mobile had rung. In a rush to answer it, he ended up flinging soapy water across the kitchen and was now in the process of wiping it up.

_“Hey sweetheart, I just got a very interesting message and I wanted to run something by you,”_

Tan _mhmm_ ed as he stretched to wipe an errant splatter of soapy water high on the cabinets, “You gonna make me guess? You know I’m terrible at that…”

A soft laugh trickled through the speaker and Tan held back his smile, tossing the damp dishrag into the sink and leaning against the counter. _“No, not gonna make you guess. I heard from Bobby today. He and Karamo are planning a visit in a couple weeks, and they wanted to know if they could meet you.”_

“Oh!” Tan couldn’t articulate why he was so surprised. The other man spoke about his friends often, and with great affection. He knew that they visited back and forth a few times per year, and that Antoni had made the trip the last couple of times. He just...wasn’t expecting to meet them so soon. “They know who I am?” He asked, sounding rather stunned.

 _“...”_ He could practically hear Antoni’s pause, could imagine the other man working out what he could possibly mean. When he did speak, it was halting, uncertain _“Of course they do. We’ve been - we’ve been dating for almost two months. Is it...okay that I’ve talked to them about you?”_

“Of course! I just hadn’t really thought about it, I suppose. It - it makes sense. Jonny’s known about you since, well, before the salad incident.” Tan paused before continuing, willing his nerves down and biting his lip. “Are they… Do you think they’ll like me?”

 _“They will.”_ Antoni sounded so certain that Tan couldn’t help the smile that broke through. _“Okay babe, I gotta go. I’ll text you the details as I get them.”_

Tan pressed his lips together, trying to hide his smile when Jonathan wandered into the room, ostensibly looking for dessert. “Okay. Talk to you later then. Bye.” He hung up the phone and looked down at it for a moment in amazement, starting at Jonathan’s sigh.

His roommate looked put out. “I can’t handle you looking like a lost puppy right now. Grab your ice cream and come tell me about it.”

\---

Throughout the rest of the week, Antoni updated Tan as his plans developed. On Thursday, he asked Tan if he’d be able to take a couple of days off of work around the weekend when Karamo and Bobby came to town. Tan had said yes, that he’d put in for that time when he got into the shop. On Friday, he asked if Tan would come away with them for the weekend. _“Nothing too intense, they just want to pop down to Atlantic City. I’m not a big gambler, but there’s other stuff to do there.”_

\---

As the day of their arrival drew closer, Antoni became more and more visibly excited. Tan tried to hide his nerves, putting more of his attention into work rather than his anxiety. Ben was gone a lot more than usual, often leaving Tan either alone or manning the shop with Cassie - they could do it, but even his usually sprightly coworker was more subdued lately.

The day that Karamo and Bobby came into town, Antoni had a dinner planned for the four of them at his apartment. Karamo and Bobby would then spend the night on Ant’s couch and air mattress, and the four of them would get up early in order to drive to Jersey.

Tan knew he would be the last person to Antoni’s apartment - the other man had picked up his friends from LaGuardia earlier in the afternoon. He was glad for the three of them to have several hours together before he joined them, but couldn’t shake the nerves that seemed to follow him incessantly. When he heard boisterous laughter from down the hallway, he had to stop for a moment and collect himself.

He knew that Antoni’s friends were good people. He had heard so many stories about them. He’d seen photos from Instagram, had even spoken to Karamo on the phone once. He knew how important they were to Antoni. He just hoped that he’d make a good impression.

Allowing his professional mask to slip into place, he knocked on the familiar door, not able to hold back a small jump when he heard a loud whoop from inside. When the door opened, he came face to face with one of the most beautiful men that he’d ever seen.

Karamo was tall, probably close to half a foot taller than Tan, and broad. His smile was absolutely disarming, as was the slightly crushing hug that he immediately pulled Tan into. “I’m so glad to finally see you! Oh my god, Bobby, come look at him! He’s so cute!” Face bright red, Tan let himself be manhandled inside, to where presumably Bobby waited to hug him as well.

Antoni hurried out of the kitchen, swatting Karamo away from him with a dish towel and leaning in for a quick kiss. “You okay?” Tan nodded, still flushed, and smiled. Satisfied, Antoni turned back to Karamo and brandished the dish towel at him again. “Don’t scare him away. Dinner’s almost ready.”

Bobby came out of the kitchen bearing plates and cutlery as Antoni went back, smiling brightly at Tan and coming over for a hug after dumping his cargo into Karamo’s arms with a stern “Set the table.” After a much gentler hug, Bobby pulled back, hands on Tan’s shoulders, and looked him up and down. Nodding, he took the smaller man’s arm and led him to the table to sit. “So Tan, tell me how you and Antoni met. He’s been very tight lipped about it, which is unlike him.”

Tan swallowed audibly, blinking at Bobby’s kind but expectant stare. He made the mistake of glancing at Karamo, who was struggling to place the knives and forks correctly while unsubtly listening in. Karamo caught his eye and, grinning evilly, mouthed, _“Sex work?”_

Tan’s eyes grew wide as saucers and he sputtered, “No - no! Not at all! We just - we just met at my job! I work at a tailor shop!” Karamo started laughing and Bobby looked over at him, unimpressed at his antics.

“Well, that’s boring. I was hoping for a little scandal.” At that, Antoni walked in carrying their food - some kind of vegan grain bowl for Bobby and chicken alfredo for the rest of them. Bobby stood to help him place everything on the table and addressed him, “Tan here was just telling us how you two got together. Do you have anything to say in your defense?”

Antoni looked at Tan in mild panic as Bobby took the bowl from him, “You told them it was an accident, right? I didn’t actually mean to poison you!”

Both Bobby and Karamo froze, staring at Antoni. Tan smiled tightly at him and said, “I hadn’t mentioned that part at all, darling. Why don’t you tell it from here?” Antoni looked over at Bobby and Karamo, both of whom immediately stared down at their plates.

The silence was unbearably loud for a few moments before Karamo suggested they order takeaway.

\---

A couple of hours later, they all were sat in the living room, ignoring the television as they chatted. Tan was comfortably full and warm, cuddled up against Antoni. Karamo was telling the three of them about some behind the scenes drama on the last reality show he’d hosted while Bobby absently moved plants and other decor around the room between sipping his beer and offering snarky comments about the contestants. Tan couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so at home.

After Karamo’s story, Bobby turned to Tan and addressed him, pulling him out of his happy daze. “So you said before that you work in a tailor shop. Do you see yourself doing that for the rest of your life?”

Tan blinked up at him, considering before he answered. “No, I don’t. I’d really like to start designing, maybe have my own clothing line one day.”

Bobby nodded at him, turning back to his analysis of Antoni’s most overcrowded bookshelf. “I worked for other interior designers for years before I ever struck out on my own. My only regret is that I didn’t take that chance sooner.”

Tan frowned slightly before responding, “It was a big risk, though, wasn’t it?”

Bobby made a face and moved a framed photo of him, Antoni, and Karamo to a different shelf. “Yeah, it was. But honestly, everything in life is risky. At a certain point you’ve gotta either make the jump yourself or be pushed. I guess I’m just more of a jumper.”

The younger man nodded thoughtfully and caught a yawn from Karamo, prompting Antoni to stretch and sigh, suggesting that they all head to bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter! I'm not entirely happy with this, but I've spent enough time agonizing over it that I'm not going to stare at it any longer. As always, all mistakes are mine, this is all pretend, and it looks like we're about two chapters away from the end.
> 
> All feedback is incredibly appreciated - I feel a bit out of my depth here.


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to everyone who's stuck with me this far - this story was supposed to just be something small to dip my toes back into writing after a decade, and so far it's turned out to be one of the most fun, infuriating experiences of my life.
> 
> I'm working through the individual comments - it's my goal to respond to all of you before the next chapter goes up!
> 
> Additional note: If you happen to be one of the Fab Five, please please PLEASE don't read this. Holy shit, please don't read this.

As per usual, Tan was the first one up in the morning. He blindly made his way into the bathroom to shower quickly before his prayers, somehow avoiding Bobby on the air mattress in the living room. He’d been hoping to finish before anyone else was up, but by the time he exited the bathroom, Karamo was trying to turn on the coffeemaker in the kitchen, using only the light above the oven so as to not wake anyone else. The taller man waved him over and stifled a yawn.

“Hey, so do you know how to work this thing?” He asked, keeping his voice low. Tan hummed in the affirmative and set about getting the water ready. “We just have a Keurig at home. I thought I’d be nice and wake everyone up with coffee, but I didn’t realize that I’d need an instruction manual just to turn it on.”

Karamo looked sheepish and Tan smiled, pressing the correct sequence of buttons to start the brew function. “Ant really does have a thing for complicated kitchen equipment, doesn’t he? It took several weeks for him to even let me help cook.”

At that, Karamo chuckled and smiled warmly at him, “Sounds just like our Antoni - I guess some things never change.” He opened the cabinet above the coffee maker and began to pick mugs for each of them, continuing. “He really does like you, you know. I’ve never heard him talk about anyone the way he talks about you. It’s like something clicked for him when he met you.” Karamo glanced at Tan as he spoke, assessing his expression with an expert eye. “Ant is one of the most genuine people that I’ve ever been lucky enough to meet. The best thing about him is that you never have to wonder how he feels about you. He doesn’t have it in him to play games.”

Tan nodded, inuiting that Karamo wouldn’t be telling him this if he didn’t trust him. “Thank you for talking to me about him. Ant is...the most special person that I’ve ever met. Every time we’re together, I’m just - reminded of how lucky I am.” Tan flushed as he talked, anxious that he was speaking too openly about his feelings. Karamo seemed the type to be able to read people easily. He glanced away from the counter, looking up at the clock on the microwave, and pressed his lips together. “I don’t mean to leave this conversation unfinished, but I really need to pray.” He looked up, a bit hesitantly, at the other man, surprised at the gentle expression he wore.

“Yeah, of course. Do what you gotta do. We can talk later,” Karamo said, clapping him lightly on the shoulder. Tan smiled up at him, ducking his head as he left the kitchen to pray.

\---

When he was done, everyone was up and moving about the apartment. He stepped out of the bedroom to see the three men sitting at the table, drinking their coffees and discussing their plans for the day. Antoni beckoned him over with a smile and a wave, and Tan walked over, gently kissing the top of his head and accepting a sip of his coffee.

“Morning, sweetheart. You about ready to go?” Tan nodded, flushing slightly when Bobby _aww_ ’d at them.

“Just need to take my stuff down to the car. Where are we going first?” Tan had left the entirety of the trip planning to the other three, not wanting to step on any toes.

Bobby answered, standing up from the table and taking the now empty mugs to the sink to rinse. “Well, we decided that we’re gonna check in to the hotel first, drop all our stuff off. We’re staying at the Resorts Casino Hotel - the reviews were pretty good and we can walk basically everywhere we want to go from there.” Tan nodded, glad that the weather forecast for the weekend was pleasant.

Karamo continued as both he and Antoni got up to start figuring out which bags to take down to the car first. “We’re headed to the Civil Rights Garden today. One of my friends back in LA said that it was beautiful, so I wanted to check it out.”

“Sounds great!” Tan didn’t know the history of the civil rights movement in much detail - he was excited at the prospect of spending a relaxing afternoon walking around and learning.

Once the car was loaded up, Karamo and Bobby shared the back seat, insisting that _boyfriend privileges_ meant that Tan had to ride shotgun. He felt his face heat as he looked across the console at Antoni, who shrugged with a bemused smile and leaned in for a kiss. When he pulled back, he whispered mirthfully, “Guess we’re boyfriends now. That okay with you?”

Tan looked into his eyes and matched his smile, feeling entirely too at home in the passenger seat of his car. “Of course, darling.” He said, leaning back into his seat and popping on his sunglasses, feeling rather like a 1950s Hollywood-era heroine. He wished he’d worn a light scarf, something appropriately flowy. “If my mother could only see me now…”

Bobby leaned up in the seat behind him, “If you’re Sugar, that makes Antoni _Josephine_ … Then obviously I’m Daphne, and that leaves Karamo as Osgood!” Tan clapped and  smiled excitedly back at him, tickled that someone had caught his reference.

“So we’re making off with a yacht at the end of this weekend, then?” He responded and they both laughed, ignoring Karamo and Antoni’s increasingly confused expressions.

Antoni eyed Tan, expertly driving through the city traffic. “I’m... glad that you guys are getting along?”

Karamo leaned up behind his seat, faking annoyance, and said, “I’m not. Go back to being awkward so that I’m Tan’s favorite again.”

At that, Bobby gasped overdramatically, clutching his heart. “How dare you? And who says you were _ever_ the favorite? I seem to remember you almost squashing him last night when you met!” Karamo rolled his eyes, waving Bobby off and muttering a _whatever_ under his breath and leaning back into his seat. Bobby leaned back as well, smirking triumphantly and looking out the window.

Tan watched the exchange raptly, slightly nervous about having gotten between the two friends. Antoni caught his eye as he turned back around and grinned at him. “Give it ten minutes. They’ll be cuddling like nothing happened.”

Tan trusted him. He smiled softly and responded, “If you say so, dear.” With that, he turned his attention to the book he’d swiped off of one of Antoni’s shelves, settling in to read and enjoy the drive.

\---

Check-in at the hotel went smoothly. Karamo and Bobby had decided to share a double on the same floor as Antoni and Tan’s single, the better to meet up in the mornings. After taking their bags upstairs, Tan surveyed the room, running his hand along the large bed and walking to the window to admire the view. He’d never get tired of looking at the ocean.

“Coming, sweetheart?” Tan jumped slightly, turning to the other man. Antoni had apparently decided to wash his face when he went to the restroom, resulting in his hair curling sweetly around the hairline. Tan was taken aback by gently Antoni looked at him - like he was something precious.

Ant crossed the room, coming to a stop just against Tan’s back and resting his chin on the shorter man’s shoulder. He wound an arm around Tan’s waist and followed his gaze out to the sea. “I’ve always loved the water,” he began. “It looks so calm on the surface, but it’s more powerful than we can imagine.”

Tan smiled and turned in the other man’s arms, facing him. “You’re a romantic, aren’t you?”

A smile bloomed across Antoni’s face and he gentled the shorter man’s jaw in his hand. “You caught me.” He leaned in slowly for a kiss, Tan’s heart thrumming in his chest.

Their lips had just brushed together when a loud knocking interrupted them. Karamo and Bobby’s voices floated across the room, indignant at the hold up. “We want to go _out!_ ”

That was Bobby, shouting over Karamo’s deeper voice. Antoni rolled his eyes and the bemused grin that spread across his face made something flutter in Tan’s stomach. “To be continued, then?” The shorter man asked quietly, resting a hand on Antoni’s chest.

At once, Ant’s smile turned softer, and the taller man seemed to become breathless. His eyes tracked down to Tan’s hand resting between the two of them and his gaze was intense as he brought it back up to the other’s face. Soft smile still playing about the edges of his mouth, he confirmed, “To be continued.”

\---

The door to their hotel room opened with a bang against the wall. Both men stumbled in blindly, unwilling to separate even for a moment. With a moan, Antoni pressed Tan against the wall, letting the door slam shut carelessly behind him. He focused on unbuttoning Tan’s shirt, the better to set him alight, mouthing at his collarbone and grabbing his hips after stripping it away.

The shorter man made a desperate noise, gripping Antoni’s hair tightly and rolling his hips to try to create some friction. “Please,” he gasped, not sure what he was asking for, only knowing that he needed more, more, _more_.

Antoni seemed to understand what he meant, because all at once, he was sliding his hands beneath Tan’s ass and picking him up easily. The shorter man couldn’t help but let out a surprised laugh, fingers that had been tugging Ant’s hair instead winding around the back of his neck for stability. Antoni carried him over to the bed, Tan squawking when he let the two of them fall heavily on the blankets with a soft thump.

The taller man laughed at Tan’s undignified noise, and Tan couldn’t help but return Antoni’s smile. He leaned in for another kiss, this time slower, deeper than before. Tan slipped his hands beneath the other man’s tee shirt, pulling it up and tugging so that Ant would let him pull it off.

Antoni dipped back down to kiss Tan once more after the offending garment had been tossed aside, the shorter man sighing at the skin to skin contact. Tan wanted to touch every inch of Antoni’s body, he wanted to crawl inside and curl up in the space right below his heart.

The taller man moved southward, leaving marks every few inches on the canvas of Tan’s skin - Tan felt his blood turn molten as Antoni got closer and closer to his cock. When he paused to ask if he could take Tan’s pants off, the shorter man let out a frustrated groan, “Yes, gods, yes! Just do it already!”

“Feeling a little bossy, aren’t we?” Antoni teased, his lips curling into an infuriating smile. Before Tan could formulate an appropriately bitchy response, he tugged Tan’s cock free from his clothes and licked a stripe up the underside. Tan gasped, toes curling, as Antoni took the head into his mouth. His back arched and he let out a strangled moan at the wet heat. He grasped the sheets in hand, trying to resist the urge to fuck into Antoni’s mouth, hips lifting involuntarily. Antoni ran his hands up Tan’s thighs and over his hips, leaving Tan's skin tingling in his wake.

“Ah, ah! Did - did you bring protection?” Antoni pulled off his cock, a string of saliva trailing behind. Tan felt his heart pound at the sight - Antoni’s eyes dark and glittering, his lips swollen and wet, hair mussed and skin flushed. “I want - I need-”

Antoni seemed to snap out of his trance. “Yeah, of course. I’ll grab -” He jumped off the bed, stumbling in his haste, hands raised and eyes earnest. “Just don’t - don’t move. Stay right there.” At Tan’s frantic nod, he turned to his bag and shuffled about inside for a moment, before wiggling out of his jeans and underwear, and finally returning to the bed with a triumphant noise and a leap. Tan laughed, bouncing slightly on the mattress as Antoni crawled up until they were even with each other. He leaned over Tan slightly, eyes dropping to his lips for a moment before asking, “You really want to do this?”

Tan ran his hand up Antoni’s torso, brushing against one of his nipples lightly, eliciting a surprised gasp as he brought his hand higher. The shorter man nodded and bit his lip with a smile. He looked up through his lashes at the other, whose flush had spread down to his chest. Softly, cradling the side of Ant’s face in his hand, he said, “I want you. I just want you.”

Antoni leaned in for a kiss, sighing into Tan’s mouth. Upon pulling back, he said, “If anything hurts, or you want to stop for any reason, just say the word. This is only fun for me if it’s fun for you.”

Tan swallowed, meeting his eyes fully. Antoni waited for his response, one side of his mouth quirked. Tan ducked his head, momentarily shielding himself from the other man’s intense gaze. “I’ll tell you.”

Satisfied, Antoni nodded to himself before sliding his hand along Tan’s jaw and maneuvering him so that his neck was fully exposed. Ant buried his face behind the shorter man’s ear, breathing in deeply and pausing for a moment, just listening to his pulse. Smelling his hair. Tasting his skin.

Suddenly, Antoni sprang into motion once more. He pulled back, running his hand under Tan’s left leg so as to hike it over his shoulder, practically folding him in half and pressing two fingers to the shorter man’s lips. Tan obediently sucked them into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and swirling his tongue around the pads of his fingers.

Tan smirked when Antoni pulled his hand back, the taller man swallowing audibly and holding his right thigh tighter. He raised his chin in a silent challenge, tilting his head haughtily.

Antoni met his gaze and tightened his grip to just the right side of painful. “You wanna play games? We can play all night.” Tan let out a faint moan when Antoni brushed his fingers against his opening, just hard enough to tease.

He pressed down, trying for more contact, but Antoni pulled his fingers away entirely, a smirk on his face. “Ah ah ah, it’s my turn.”

Tan rolled his eyes; he hated the way he immediately flushed at Antoni’s smirk, hated the way warmth bloomed in his chest when the taller man leaned in for a sweet kiss, but he couldn’t actually hate anything about the man himself.

Antoni began moving lower, pressing sweet kisses along his jawline and eliciting a soft sigh for his efforts. As soon as Tan shifted his face to allow Ant more access to his neck, the taller man pressed a single digit inside of him. He let out a breathless, _“Oh,”_ arching his back when Ant slid his finger in to the second knuckle, feeling a smile against his clavicle and hair tickling his cheek. “What’s so funny -” he tried, cutting off with a gasp when Antoni pulled out, only to return with a second finger.

Tan felt electricity pulsing in his veins as Antoni started to stretch him in earnest, smile now replaced with an intense look that made his cock twitch against his stomach. His fingers brushed against Tan’s prostate and the electricity crackled sharply down to his fingertips and toes; his back arched off of the bed.

After a moment, he was able to speak again, albeit in a slightly strangled tone. “Gods, Ant, ‘m ready _now_. I need you.” The end of the sentence turned embarrassingly high pitched, due to Antoni once more twisting his fingers just so and making Tan see stars painted against the hotel ceiling. He tried to control his voice more when he spoke again, only marginally successfully, “Stop _fucking_ around!”

Antoni laughed at that, pulling his fingers out entirely and quirking his lips at Tan’s protesting whine. He responded as he reached for the condom and the bottle of lube, voice teasing. “I thought that was what you _wanted_ , though? Me, fucking around?”

Tan couldn’t control himself; he grabbed Antoni’s shoulders and hauled him close, his nerves fraying and his voice carrying a hysterical edge. “ _Not_ you fucking around - want you fucking _me_.”

He could still see the amusement dancing about in Antoni’s eyes, but nevertheless caught the way he bit his lip before answering, voice rougher than before. “Oh, my mistake then. I’ll get right on that.”

Finally, finally, _finally_ Antoni had the damn condom on. He popped the cap off the lube and made to stretch Tan’s entrance once more after slicking himself up - Tan caught his wrist, fire in his eyes, and said in an uncharacteristically low tone, “If you don’t fuck me _right now_ , I will kill you.”

Ant swallowed audibly, Tan’s eyes tracking down to watch his Adam’s Apple bob up and then back down, and answered with a hint of a sheepish smile, “okay, yeah, that’s fair,” before lining up and pressing in.

Tan had had sex before. Tan had had good sex before. Tan had even had pretty great sex before. But, somehow, when Antoni bottomed out and they were nose to nose, sharing breaths as if they were underwater, Tan felt his world tilt on its axis; time seemed to slow down.

He moaned soundlessly, clutching at the other man’s shoulders once more, brow furrowing at the burning pleasure of being stretched so full. When he’d adjusted, he tapped Ant’s shoulder gently but insistently, trying to get him to _go_. The taller man held still for a moment longer - the silence between them stretching miles wide - then he rolled his hips, the movement sending sparks zigzagging through Tan’s body, and all of a sudden time went back to normal.

“Oh my gods,” Tan breathed out, hiking his right leg just a bit higher on Ant’s waist, that touch finally seeming to spur the taller man into motion. He pulled out almost completely, thrusting back in hard enough to move the bed slightly before rocking into him at a skillful pace; he mouthed at Tan’s jawline, leaving a burning trail wherever he touched.

The shorter man gripped his hair roughly with one hand, tugging when the other appreciatively groaned. Ant shifted positions slightly, resting Tan’s left calf on the very edge of his shoulder, and using the new angle to sink even deeper than before. He brushed against Tan’s prostate on the next stroke, ripping a loud moan from the smaller man.

Tan pulled the other man’s head up for a kiss, feeling a force as strong as the ocean rush through his body, the familiar low heat unfurling under his skin. Their teeth clacked together, and Tan gasped and giggled breathlessly into Ant’s mouth, muttering an apology into the other man’s smile. He answered with a particularly deep thrust and a murmur that sounded suspiciously like Tan’s name.

He began to lose his rhythm, strokes alternating between shallow and deep, and Tan could feel the heat simmering below the surface, coiling tightly in his stomach. Antoni reached between them, hand curling around Tan’s aching cock and pulled once, twice, three times before Tan let go, spilling between them and letting the waves roll through his body. He came with a sob, nails biting into the other man’s scalp and back, and Antoni followed, moaning unabashedly.

Antoni let go of Tan’s leg, letting him shift to the side before collapsing heavily next to him. They both stayed silent for a moment, each catching their breath. Antoni spoke first, “... Why the fuck did we wait so long to do that?”

Smothering his laugh, Tan rolled to the other side of the bed and made to stand. As he sat up on the bed, the right side of his ribcage twinged unhappily and he flinched, holding it lightly and hoping that Ant hadn’t been looking at him.

“Oh, _shit_... Are you okay, baby? Can I get you anything? Christ, I’m so sorry…” Tan grimaced at Antoni’s tone and stood, turning to see that his boyfriend had risen from the bed as well and was already on the way to the bathroom.

“‘M fine,” he called after him in vain, “just need a towel is all.” By the time he’d stepped carefully around the bed, Antoni was back in front of him brandishing a glass of water, a bottle of paracetamol, and a towel. He accepted all three, flushing in the rapidly darkening room. Ant had disposed of the condom and cleaned himself off whilst in the bathroom, and somehow he managed to lay Tan back on the bed in order to poke and prod at his ribcage.

After a solid few minutes of mother henning, Antoni pronounced him healthy enough to stand again. Tan good naturedly rolled his eyes and waved him away when Ant offered to help him up, trying not to preen at the attentiveness. He stepped over to his suitcase, pulling out a pair of briefs and an oversized gray jumper, pulling up the pants and tugging the top over his head. Turning, he caught Antoni watching him fondly, leaning against the table and wearing just his boxers.

“Hey,” he said, a smile softening his features. He opened his arms in invitation, and Tan clenched his hands inside of the sleeves of his jumper, wondering at how Ant could set his insides fluttering with just a word.

“Hey yourself,” he said quietly, stepping into the other man’s embrace and nuzzling softly into the space just under his jaw. He both felt and heard the taller man’s stomach growl and it was his turn to smile fondly at the other. “Worked up an appetite, did ya?”

Antoni chuckled softly and teased, “Well, _yeah,_ I had to do all the work.”

Tan’s jaw dropped and he pulled back, placing a hand to his boyfriend’s chest in mock offense. “How dare you - I was folded up like a pretzel and you’re throwing a fit about me not doing enough?”

At that, Ant’s smile broke into a full blown grin and he tugged Tan back to his chest, wrapping him up with one hand around his hip and one cradling his head as laughter rumbled through his chest. The shorter man relaxed easily in his embrace, floored at how comfortable he felt joking around with Ant. The taller man slightly tightened his grip, breathing deeply before softly saying, “You really are one of a kind, aren’t you?”

Tan didn’t respond, didn’t need to. The silence floated between them like a spell, like somehow, they were speaking without words at all. He shifted, eyelashes fluttering against Ant’s neck, and his stomach grumbled, bursting the little cocoon they’d created where - just for a minute - they were the only two in the world.

Antoni laughed as Tan stepped back, eyes sparkling with mirth when the shorter man ducked his head. He ruffled Tan’s already mussed hair as he flipped the light on, walked to the bedside table where the phone was sat, and flipped through the hotel’s menu binder absently. “Room service okay, sweetheart? I’m pretty sure Karamo and Bobby are already on their third or fourth casino for the night, but we can try them and see if they're down to grab dinner if you want.”

Tan shook his head, walking to the bed and sitting next to where Ant stood. “Room service sounds great to me, babe.”

\---

A couple of hours later, they’re cuddled on the bed, stuffed, sleepy, and content. Antoni’s had on one of the hotel’s robes since he made the call for room service, and somehow he’s managed to coax Tan into the matching one to take a few selfies - _for posterity_ he’d said, eyes sparkling in a way that set Tan’s insides fluttering again.

They’ve got the television on some rubbish film, volume way low so that they could hear each other without raising their voices at all. They’d shut the lights off after the food came, so they’re bathed in this flickering, unearthly glow, and Tan felt like he may well be somewhere other than New Jersey. Laying there with Antoni just felt _right_ \- their ankles were tangled together, stomachs were full, and he’d learned that Antoni makes the most lovely sounds if he massages the back of his neck just right.

The tension had just seemed to seep right out of the taller man, and he’d eventually trailed off in the middle of a story about some camping trip gone wrong. Tan watched the light dance across his face for a few minutes, allowing his thoughts to float aimlessly.

He came to a realization when Antoni snuffled softly and shifted, only settling when Tan placed a hand over his on the blanket. Nothing in his life had ever come close to this. No person had ever made him feel this way, no experience had ever brought him as much joy and comfort as lying in this strange room with some dork who managed to be a chef and to still pronounce ‘sriracha’ incorrectly.

His heart thudded in his chest and he turned blindly to face the television, the low voices indistinguishable from each other. Somehow, he wasn’t panicking at the realization. He felt his world shifting, sure, but it was gradual - more like how the tectonic plates constantly moved beneath your feet, reshaping the world without bravado, rather than like how an earthquake changed everything all at once in monumental gestures.

Antoni twitched in his sleep, drawing his gaze once more. Tan watched in fascination as a smile curled around the edges of his lips. He wondered absently what the other man was dreaming about when Antoni’s fingers tightened around his. The shorter man felt a coil of tension that he hadn’t even been aware of unfurl in his chest, leaving him lighter and able to breathe freely.

Smiling softly, he carefully picked up the remote from between them and clicked off the television, leaving the room dark and silent but for their breathing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so there's the first actual sex scene I've written, like, ever. Uh, it took me almost three weeks, and I actually cannot tell you how many times I started it and stopped it, deleted it and rewrote it, pulled out my hair, resisted the urge to throw my laptop, just straight-up cried, and/or experienced some combination of the above options. 
> 
> Let me know if it's awful, I suppose?
> 
> Tune in to the next chapter for the end of Karamo and Bobby's visit and the return to normal life (hopefully in fewer than three weeks! Hahahahahahahahahaha!)


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